This Is What I Work With

I walked out of my kitchen, ready to throw a match over my shoulder, and feel the blast of heat as the whole FUCKING room blows up. Peppered with hot debris, back on fire, and hair missing I will smile. A huge Cheshire cat smile. Other people dream of fame, fortune, longevity, and happiness. Me, I dream of a kitchen. A kitchen that works.

Our stove is a disgrace to the word stove. There are four burners, one is so hot that medium is only a thought. Another on high takes 4o minutes to boil water, another only clicks; and the last burner works. All of the dials have enough play in them, that I check to make sure that the gas is off, not that the dial says off. Would you like the oven to be 350 degrees? Set the dial for 275 and pray.  Need the oven to maintain a temperature? Forget about it. The temperature fluctuates roughly 30 degrees above and below the last temperature check. The broiler works, there is that.

We have a microwave, 700 watts, at least that is what the sticker says, but I doubt 60 on a good day. I don’t really care, because I only use the microwave for the kids TV dinners when the adults have a busy night of homework-I am looking forward to the end of busy nights of homework too, but that is another blog.

I would love to say we have lots of cabinet space. By appearance we do, but the shelves are all odd sizes. This means instead of having like objects together, everything is organized by size. This leads to more searching for ingredients than necessary. I should clarify, what I wrote is upper shelving. Ground floor shelving is a disaster. The first week here all of the shelves separated and collapsed leaving us with lots of space. Imagine an empty square with a door. No way to use the space.

We did get a new refrigerator. Only after the previous refrigerator died and only after the maintenance man was cool enough not to try and resurrect it. We still have not gotten our front door.

Counter space is something I dream about. I would gladly give up the double sink for more counter space. Why do we have a double sink when we have a dishwasher? No idea, but based on where the dishwasher is located, at some point that space was cabinet space. The counters are not flat. They are flat after you get over a hump. Why a hump? To make using knives dangerous. To make you think you are going insane when the cutting board won’t lay flat. Maybe, when this place was built humps on flat surfaces were thought to be decorative. I’m gonna guess that the builder got them cheap, this place does not scream quality, only what is cheap…we’ll use that.

I could go on, but why bother?

Just know that when I am writing about cooking and food, what I am working with. It is a miracle that anything gets made at all some days.



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