Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!

“Now stepping into the arena, in his third tenure defense, Dr. Walker. Facing off against Dr. Walker are the winners of the preliminary tenure track survival battles….”

Class today was fun. I am going to guess we were supposed to talk about portfolios and ethics and other academic stuff. Instead we talked about the hiring process for the school or at least the barrage of potential new hires who are coming through the department like a tidal wave.

Given the hoops that new hires have to hop through someone (me :)) suggested that new hires should have to fight for their position. There was one suggestion to break a pool cue in half and let them go at it. I suggested new hires should fight in the empty square our tables had formed in the middle of class. I would gladly pay $50 to see that.

And then…the talk moved to weaponry; swords, knives, pencils, staplers, double-sided lightsabers-no make that swords, NO firearms, hands, feet, and on the conversation spun.

And then…the talk moved to a larger arena for more spacing. Everyone would want to see people fight to the death, especially for a job. Football stadium, too open and seating isn’t ideal. Hockey stadium, perfect. On ice seating or behind the glass for the squeamish.

What about footing? Spike shoes, footing and a weapon and for those who choose to go without shoes…too bad.

Blood on ice.

I believe that colleges should be more competitive. Which is where the fight for your job came in. Want to keep your job, fight. Want tenure track position, fight. Want to keep your tenure, defend your tenure. Winners would be treated well, like knights of old. Professors with tenure would skip the preliminary rounds, saving themselves for tenure defense only. Hell, colleges could go to war with each other, raiding for prized champions or to destroy a rival program.

There was hardly an unturned stone. The only thing we did not do was create the flyers and advertising.


Eventually we did talk about portfolio stuff. 🙂


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