The house smells of bacon. Bacon is a wonder food. Smells great. Tastes great. Goes on most anything. I do not believe that bacon makes everything better. Bacon makes a great many things better. I love learning about other people, I am a Scorpio how can I not. Plus, despite my exterior presentation I can be a very charming fellow when necessary or in general…the smile is a smile not a grimace…at least that is what the shark said right before eating the fish.
Although and I stress this, if you have an opportunity or inkling to purchase or try bacon lube, avoid at all costs. Yes, such a thing does exist, I have a bottle because I failed to think through the thought “Bacon and sex, what could go wrong?” It fails on several fronts:
- It does not smell like bacon
- It does not taste like bacon
- It is very sticky and not in a messy sex way either, more like you took a bath in candy and were never able to get it off
Today I learned a few things about the people I value (yes, I do value people). Usually after a while of knowing someone I have learned many of their dark secrets or I have formed enough of an image of what they will or wont do that I am not surprised by what I hear. Today, I was surprised. I wonder though, if my surprise is from four years of not being able to talk about sex, nudity, or anything related and now I can. Aside from the one student who makes faces (you have sex, so no faces) and the eye roller (my words induce eye rolling pleasure is how I take it).
Where I used to live, Ann Arbor, the Naked Mile* is an event. Really, students strip down to various degrees of nudity and run around the campus one night a year. Thus, when a student mentioned they ran a naked mile, my ears and eyes perked up. Really, this town has a naked mile and you ran it, do tell and don’t skimp on the details.
So, not an event?
But you were naked and running? Color me surprised.
When I say this town could use a naked mile of their own, I mean that. If nothing else it would perk everyone up. Unfortunately due to the odd weather up here, it is “snowing” today, it could result in some casualties, but you know what they say, “You have to break some eggs to make an omelet.” That can apply to naked people running in the snow as well. Think it through…
You have not lived until you cook bacon in the nude. A real test of your culinary reflexes. Maybe that could be the event for this town instead of the naked mile; Bacon in the Nude. I would participate every year. If nothing else I get a few grease burns, another story to tell, and bacon to eat. Win, Wi, Win for me.
I also learned that a few people I know read the erotica I write and they have not made the sign of their respective religion at me nor shunned me. In fact, they were more than happy to discuss my latest short in class and offer up some suggestions for story direction. That was fucking cool. I mean brainstorming and co-authoring I have done, but never with erotica. The sheer amount of inspiration threatened to break my pen. (read that how you will)
* turns out much to my disappointment to be a shitty movie as well…ugh.