Grocery List of the Apocalypse

251I am so glad the grocery store was less populated than usual. The lady leading a group of people around the store and loudly extolling the virtues of one boxed product or another may have been why people were scarce. Her cereal store aisle sermon about the benefits of mega-wheat over regular wheat and how “this boxed meal” had less sodium than that one AND everyone should watch how much sodium they intake was awesome. If I felt that my swooping in and saving the group from her and her mega-wheat would have been appreciated and not resulted in more stares than usual I might have pulled a grocery store Errol Flynn and saved them.

Alas! I did not. I went about following Barb’s grocery list of the apocalypse….sorry that should be

Barb’s Grocery List of the APOCALYPSE!!!!

Cover your eyes if you are not prepared for the non-traditional marriage roles we inhabit. I do the cooking. Thus, I do the grocery shopping. I do not do the laundry-I have been banned due to what I like to call my laundry gray period or Barb refers to as “Why is everything gray? Are you color blind?” No I am not. When I go grocery shopping I purchase what is needed for one week of new cooking, supplies, and replenish depleted stock. I have a checklist of what is necessary to cook anything I can make and keep a supply on hand. I also have a supply of meat. So when I pick up groceries for one week it is not a sparse as it sounds. What it is though, small in size and small in cost especially with the vegetable heavy diet, and I can react to the ever changing tastes of the family. Every month and a half to two months I let many things run down. This ensures I don’t have expired meats, spices, etc. This was one of those months…

In Barb’s defense, she has a paper due and was doing her best to avoid working on the paper and we had a conversation where she admitted that she had no idea how much food the family eats, she decided to make a grocery list. Her list was comprehensive consisting of EVERYTHING she thought was missing, that we used, or had to eat in recent memory. She even asked what I thought went on the list, which I kindly supplied-suffice to say my list was much smaller than hers.

I knew what was going to happen…well I was pretty sure what was going to happen. Starting at the back of the store because I did not want to shove a full cart to the back to get milk and then to check out we made our way down each and every aisle picking stuff off of shelves and checking off her list. We were half-way through the numbered aisle-this means we had not gotten to meat or veg-and the cart was half-full. Barb said, no problem not that much on the list.

In the meat aisle, I sent a child for a second basket because basket number one was so full I was having problems getting it to stop. There we were in the meat aisle transferring groceries from one cart to another just like when a UPS truck breaks down and they bring a second to take the load. Two carts in two we checked out, the cashier handled it like pro.

Then Barb saw the bill.

Then I asked Barb how we were going to fit all of the groceries in the car.

Then on the way home, where was all the food going to go. Be warned if you visit, opening a door may result in you being buried under food.

Then, when it was all done, approximately 10 minutes ago (it’s 2 pm here, we started at 10 am), I asked her what she learned..

I’ll be doing the grocery shopping from no own.



3 thoughts on “Grocery List of the Apocalypse

  1. I have been involving Smotch more in budgetary things, and as a result, he has been accompanying me to the grocery store more often. “I want __________” has been coming out of his mouth less often these days. Now he asks questions, like “Is that a good price for _________?” before he decides what he *actually* wants.

    But it is a very frightening thing (for both of us) for me to send him to the store with cash and a list. Inevitably, he will call me at least 3 times about which brand/flavor/deal he should choose, and he never seems to have enough money. I, on the other hand, can whip through that list and have change to spare. So it’s a learning process. But it’s also a very tangible delineation of our strengths. Effective Grocery Shopping should be a superpower. 🙂


  2. Pingback: Swimming in Meals | Speaking Out on Life

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