I’m Yelling At You Food Network

I find myself yelling at the television more often. Dementia? Possibly, but odds are either the Vikings are playing or Food Network is on. If the Vikings are on, I am yelling because they did something good or something bad happened to them-they can do no wrong-bad plays happen TO them. 🙂

If Food Network is on, I am yelling because one of the “food experts” is doing something wrong or at least off kilter. I don’t mean any of the increasingly inane, same looking and feeling, and bland “game shows” where you know who won before the episode is over (example: I know that any female chef/cook on Chopped will not make it to the finals unless the show is all women or the men screw up in major ways. Another example: Spoiler Alert: Bobby Flay wins most of time).

I am talking about the increasingly rare instances where a “food expert;” interestingly enough fewer of them are people you hear about unless you happen to be watching one of the contests and the winner is suddenly promoted to celebrity status, is giving advice or attempting to show how to cook something.

First, the marriage of Walmart and food shows bothers me. Walmart, does not sell anything I want to put into my family. Second, most of the stuff that I see used is stuff that comes out of a box. What happened to cooking, not box cooking and trust me there are times when cooking and eating the box would be preferable. Marketing aside, who is watching the food experts and correcting them?

I know my yelling isn’t doing anything, the Vikings still have bad plays happen TO them, and food “experts” continue to give bad advice. And there it was, “I’m really a lazy cook,” says one of the “experts.” How am I to take you seriously? Is that your attempt to relate to me? If so, you FAILED! I do not take advice from lazy people. Put in some work and I and others will not only listen to you, but start to trust you.

Funny thing is that “lazy cook” did not give bad advice, this time. Prior to that was the rice episode where sushi rice was tossed into a pot un-rinsed and turned out great. BULLSHIT. Sushi rice is like a high maintenance date. Put in the work, no matter how silly or nitpicky and have a great time. Fail to put in the work and get, nothing worth talking about. Later when asked how not to get mushy rice, the food “expert” side-stepped the question by explaining, incorrectly mind you, how to cook basmati rice. Basmati rice and white rice do not cook the same.

If I keep yelling at Food Network, why do I keep watching? Because I hope one day the channel will go back to its roots of teaching anyone watching how to cook something. Not open a box or bottle and claim to have made food. Not shill for Walmart. Keep some of the game shows, but get rid of any of the reality shows and defintiely get rid of Next Food Network Star. None of them have been stars and only diminish the brand as a whole. Sure they sell stuff, but I’m not buying.

And there it was, “I’m really a lazy cook,” says one of the “experts.” How am I to take you seriously?

I long for the days when Emeril taught me how to cook something, such as how to make a good roux, which involves heat, NOT room temperature butter and flour tossed into whatever-that was the latest bad cooking advice-I hope you enjoy the taste of flour. I long for the days when Alton Brown taught me how to cook and entertained me. Now he kind of entertains me, I like him as host of Cutthroat Kitchen, but the show is becoming stale.

Bring back people who loved how to cook MORE than they love to be on camera. Bring back people who want to teach people how to cook. Anyone can open a box or bottle and “make” food, but cooking is a skill and a necessary skill. I can get entertainment anywhere, often better, but real food knowledge, advice, and information that is hard to find and with each passing month harder to find on Food Network.


5 thoughts on “I’m Yelling At You Food Network

  1. I call it the Guy Fieri and Rachel Ray effect. I do find it funny though that Ray is starting to hew toward here Sicilian ancestry and is less bubbly. I knew that would happen eventually.

    1. Ankoku1331

      Less bubbly, say it isn’t so. 🙂 I haven’t paid her much attention since she started trying to act on camera like a serious food “expert.” That and the multicolored kitchen utensils being sold in stores with her name and face plastered all over them.

  2. Pingback: The Great Lawn Mower Rambling – Speaking Out On Life

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