In-Class Guide to Grooming Using a Cellphone

“Just go there.”

That is some of the worst and funniest advice handed out by one student to another in class. The “there” in this case is 4Chan. The student who said “Just go there” has been to 4Chan and knows what you can find quickly and easily. The student to whom he said “Just go there” did not know what 4Chan was…hopefully he heeds the second piece of advice, “Go there on someone else’s computer.”

My plan was to write about social media and what I learned today. Since blogging is a form of social media, I though that fellow bloggers and readers might like to learn what I learn…except that the conversation ended on a cliff hanger. 4Chan and Clorox derailed the discussion (there is a connection, but you need to be familiar with both). Derailed in a good and funny way, but still derailed the lecture just long enough to create a cliff hanger. Hopefully, you can wait.

If I am not going to write about social media, what am I going to write about? Thankfully, I was able to complete my in-class observations and can now write my…

In-Class Guide to Grooming Using a Cellphone

Seven weeks of observation and note taking later, I feel that I am an expert in how to use a cellphone to make you look your best. Perhaps there are better uses for cellphones…perhaps.


The amount of equipment varies upon your grooming needs. At the base level, a cellphone with a front facing camera. This allows you to observe yourself in all of your pre-groomed glory. At the advanced end, a bag (yes BAG) of makeup and devices for grooming that range from a hairbrush to tools that the Spanish Inquisition wishes they had thought of.


  1. Turn on cellphone
  2. Turn on camera.
  3. Use whichever setting to have the camera facing you. To ensure this is correct, when looking at the cellphone you should be looking at a pre-groomed you.
  4. Make some faces to ensure the person you are looking at is you.
  5. Take a picture.
  6. Show that picture to everyone nearby.
  7. Prepare for grooming, by moving camera around your head; the goal to have a good idea where your grooming issue (s) lay.
  8. Using fingers fluff or sort hair. Fluff or sort depends upon your hair needs and desires. This steps seems to be a quick solution to the hair issue, given that long term solutions would involve sprays, gels, and an electrical outlet…not that I did not see any of this.
  9. If fluffing or sorting did not do the trick, get a hairbrush and style hair as best you can.
  10. Satisfied with hair? Take picture, show to nearby people to gauge their reaction to what just happened IN FRONT OF THEM. If satisfied with their reactions, proceed to next step. If not satisfied, repeat Steps 8, 9, and 10.
  11. Next lips, men and women. Purse lips at camera. If satisfied with color and condition of lips proceed to next step. If unsatisfied, find an appropriate cream or color, and apply to lips. Take picture of newly creamed or colored lips and show to those nearby to gauge their reaction. If satisfied with their reactions, proceed to next step. If not satisfied, repeat Step 10.
  12. Facial time. This is murky for me because I am not familiar with all of the products involved, but the gist of this stage is to apply dye to your cheeks, eyes, forehead, chin, and other “problem areas.” These dyes are applied with various sized brushes using the cellphone camera to monitor progress and blending in areas where multiple colors are applied. When finished, take a picture and show to those nearby to gauge their reaction. Unfortunately, by this stage it is too late in the class period to alter what you have done.
  13. Take one last picture of yourself. Save this picture for reference later and/or post on favorite social media site to demonstrate what you “learned” in class.

These 12-steps to a better groomed in-class you can be done solo, but are best done with a partner. Not only can you get immediate feedback on the status of your grooming, should you need better light your partner can turn the light on from their camera giving you immediate access to a spotlight (do not worry about blinding those nearby as they are not watching you, but paying attention to the lecture).

Hopefully this guide has been helpful to you. With another 7 weeks of observation I should be able to refine this guide into something that anyone feeling less than their best can use in class to unobtrusively groom themselves.


One thought on “In-Class Guide to Grooming Using a Cellphone

  1. Pingback: Social Media People Smell Obi-Wan | Speaking Out On Life

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