Either I am pondering the end of my education or it is around my birthday and I am feeling all melancholy and introspective. The nice thing about these states is that both will come to an end. Sometime in May I’m done and sometime in the next few days my birthday will have passed and I will be back to my happy go lucky angry self.
The thing is this time, be it end of something five years in the making or the passing of another year, I need to have some sense of something. Trust me when I say to you that a graduation ceremony, cap, gown, tassel thing, and piece of paper will mean next to nothing to me. This is just how I am and have been. I need to have something that sums up the last five years of my life. Something that I create.
The thing is knowing me, I need to get this done, not started, but done before May.
What is this thing? No fucking clue. I know what it won’t be. It will not be a blog post or a series of blog posts. As much as I like blogging, there is a certain writing style that I have with blogging that I don’t know if I want as the entirety of the last five years. Although I may, being me, post some of it here…that is if I figure out what it will be.
It will not be poetry. I cannot write poetry, just not in my writing DNA and like coffee, I have tried and found the taste bitter. It also will not be a cookbook…or at least not in its entirity; the relationship between food and the last five years is very close and I don’t think I can write about one without writing about other.
I think I am seeking some form or variation of closure or a grander holistic sense of it all. After all I started this on a whim, as a form of something to do while Barb came to study and over five years I have done a lot. A lot that most students will never get to do or even think of doing. Along the way I met a lot of people and learned even more. Not just classroom shit either.
I know that if I was me, five years ago I could have used a primer, story, etc about what the college experience is like from someone around my age. Doubtful any writer other than Anthony Bourdain would have the same anger issues with the…lets just say there should be a college for older people and one for the kids or older students should have more influence in the classrooms. I guess that is more of a societal issue, respect for age and experience, than an influence in the classroom issue. Of course I guess I could have spent the last five years shouting, “Seriously? That will be the stupidest thing I have heard until the next one of you says something.” It wasn’t all that bad.
So what do I have? A list of what “it” won’t be and a smaller list of what “it” might be. Mostly just ramblings. I need to figure this out and suggestions are welcome.