Scratching That Shitty Chinese Itch

Everyone has their shitty stuff. Things in this case books, movies, and food that they enjoy even though the quality is not…well not that good doesn’t apply because despite the word shitty the stuff is enjoyable, good, edible, fun and so on…how about less than optimal? This leaves room for improvement and does not imply that shitty stuff is bad or the bottom of the barrel.

Today was all about shitty stuff. What kind of shitty stuff? Chinese food for one. Big Rapids does not have shitty Chinese. Big Rapids has outright bad Chinese food and not bad as good, but bad as in I do not recommend that anyone eat the Chinese food in town. Take the hour to drive elsewhere. For the record, shitty Chinese is Chinese food served in malls, really shady Chinese restaurants in strip malls, and most Chinese takeout that I have had. The food is always shiny with thick gloopy sauces and while the food shares names with other Chinese or Chinese-American dishes has a taste that is similar amongst all shitty Chinese places and unique to them.

Shitty ChineseOrange Chicken, honestly that is what the menu said; menu in the sense of five pictures of shiny food with prices slapped over them. I have only seen orange chicken like this at shitty Chinese places. It does not look like that when I make it at home. It does not look like that when I pay around $10 a plate. For less than $6, it does. And you know what, it was AWESOME!

Shiny, thick, orangish flavor, thick breading, and chicken. I love this stuff. I won’t make it home, but every once in a while I crave it. In a similar way that I don’t eat fast food regularly (this is NOT a regular time of our lives), but every once in a while I have to some. A craving for shitty Chinese is worse, because there is none in town…you know, the itch you cannot scratch and all of that, but only better in the original Klingon.

itch pagh scratch SoH

-Thank you Klingon translator, but come on mice, Roman, itch and scratch? Get with it Klingons

The sauce was so thick and sticky that instead of using chopsticks to pick up clumps of rice, I dipped and dunked orange chicken balls into the rice. Maximum effort, I tell you, and so mouth pleasing good. Did it taste like orange chicken? Only in the same way as a frozen TV Dinner taste like home cooked meal; there is food and it tastes like “food,” but not like real food. Only in this case, AWESOME!

And the rice, fried it was not, but good it was. Totally not clumpy, which would have been handy, but the sauce took care of that. That egg roll, could have come directly from the freezer to fryer, I don’t care it was exactly what this shitty Chinese itch needed to be scratched. Healthy dollops of hot mustard and damn that was good. 🙂

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