Following yesterday’s post, here is my first revision. I made a lot of changes from tense changes, added some details, tried to make the action clearer, and add an ending of sorts to the scene.
For a brief second everyone stopped fighting at the sound of a frying pan bouncing off a skull. Bouncing back from her fallen foe, Puddles brandished her frying pan above her head in an attack pose at the same time drawing her heavy pistol and shooting another black clad mook charging her.
“Give up will ya!” Puddles shouted at the room full of mooks.
To Puddle’s right, Whiskers knee-slid underneath the sloppy punch of a mook, using his personalized katana to gut the mook as he passed. Popping up from the slide, Whiskers flicked his katana clean of blood, and sought another challenger. Whiskers did not have to wait long; knocking smaller mooks aside with swings of his club, a giant over-muscled mook lumbered at Whiskers. Adjusting his grip to a low-position, Whiskers waited for the moment to strike the perfect blow on the approaching giant mook.
Three large blood-spraying holes appeared in the over-muscled mook’s chest. For a brief second, the mook looked surprised before falling over onto his face. Knives drawn, three mooks jumped over his body to take his place.
“You’re welcome,” Puddles shouted at Whiskers.
Whiskers shot Puddles an irritated glare before turning his attention to the mooks. Charging the mooks, Whiskers sidestepped the trio to the right; swinging his katana upwards, gutting the right mook as they passed each other. Turning, Whiskers brought his katana down and quickly sliced to the right, killing the other two mooks with one swing.
…other than their labored breathing, the room was silent. Puddles strolled over the dead mooks to Whiskers, who finished cleaning his katana, faced Puddles with his ears leaning back giving extra body English to his irritation with his longtime partner.
Pointing at the over-muscled mook, “What was that about?”
Puddles shrugged. Her tail lazily waving in an S-pattern that Whisker’s knew so well; her “Oops, did I do that” when she knew full well what she had done shrug.
“I couldn’t let you have all the fun,” Puddles said over her shoulder, holstering her pistol while stepping over mooks on her way to the door, her tail swishing away as if she did not have a care in the world.
Tail lashing, Whiskers stood for a moment, gripping his katana tightly, before sheathing it in one smooth move. He gave the over-muscled mook one last look before following Puddles out of the room in the hallway. Halfway down the hallway, alarms began to sound and the hallway lights went from white to emergency red.
“Took them long enough,” Whiskers said to Puddles.
“I thought we made more than enough noise,” Puddles replied.