Even the Mona Lisa is Falling Apart

“I fought bear.”

“You fought a bear.”

“No, I fought Bear, the neighbor’s dog. One of those deity awful tiny yapping dogs.”

“You fought a tiny dog and that is how you injured your shoulder and back enough to be in the ER?”

“Have you ever seen Star Wars Episode 2? You remember Yoda and all of that hopping around and shit? Well that was Bear and the truly fucked up thing is they spell his name not like the animal, but Bare like naked.”

And that is how I injured my shoulder and back enough that until this moment I haven’t been able to do much more than sleep. And sleep was in little chunks where the pain would knock me out from exhaustion. Not a good situation at all.

Tack on the sinus funk I was positive gone, came roaring back with, yes, vengeance. In one day I lost complete hearing in one ear. Multiple days with no sleep, constant pain, and unable to hear I went to the ER.

After making sure I was not having a heart attack or stroke, and making sure I was not seeking drugs-I cannot stand drugs, every time I take a pain med, other than Tylenol or ibuprofen, I lose a day or two where I sit gorked out of my mind. Which why, yesterday there was no post, I slept for over 18 hours. Anyway, I am sent home with some antibiotics, a sling, and muscle relaxers.

Until the sling went on I was in constant pain. I don’t mind some pain, but everyday, every hour, with no relief is too much for me. This is where the sling comes in. Not gonna lie, I thought the sling was a joke or my boobie prize. I almost asked the nurse, “Why don’t bondage shops sell these things?” I was so convinced of it’s non-funtionalness.

My bad. I still want to know why these are not sold in bondage shops, trust me I have a mind full of ideas and uses for this thing when the shoulder returns to normal. More importantly, for the past 5 hours I have been pain free. I look silly. I feel even sillier because people have to help me do a lot of common things, but I will take silly over constant pain.

If this holds up I will be back to writing again.



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