35 Cents, An Allen Wrench, Two Tic-Tacs…Where Is The Remote? (Updated)

I have a confession.

I hate our couch.

I have hated our couch from the day I saw our couch in the store.

I did not purchase our couch, it was a gift, and a gift that I am thankful for because at the time we had NO furniture, but I knew the couch would be trouble and trouble the couch has become over the years.

Kids like to jump on furniture, smaller the kid the more the liking. This couch is a death trap waiting for a child and the first child to jump on the couch fell through the couch. Yes through as in to the floor.

Seeking to fix things I went to move cushions only to discover that they are permanently sewn to the couch, except when they are not because kids and general use rip out the stitching. Who said owning a couch was easy.

Kids like to run and jump on furniture, this is less size related and directly related to how unconcerned your child is about their head, after all they only get one, but they don’t learn that for a while. Until said child runs fullbore at the couch, seeing cushion, leaps and discovers that for whatever reason there is a solid oak bar behind the seat cushions at bridge of nose level. Suffice to say, no one jumps at the couch.

The cushions, speaking of them, are supposed to be memory foam like, they are more ish than like, in that since owning the couch, two of the three sitting on cushions are flat like pancake, no bounce no nothing. Given that there is hole one on end due to child jump (see above) and the cushions are location specific, again don’t ask me why, sitting on the couch can be like sitting on the floor, if the floor hated you.

Stain resistant has never meant less to me than this couch. Children make messes and they love to make messes on new things. Day two of couch ownership, child with stain meet couch with stain resistance. Child with stain won.

And that seemed to be the beginning of the never ending, NO DON’T and seconds after that a new stain. I have no idea what color the couch is any more. I’m thinking a Jackson Pollock homage in various stains.

Which brings me to final couch issue…okay there are couple of others such as and probably most important due to the construction sex on the couch is impossible without bruising afterwards…this other final issue is relevant, the TV remote is missing and while I am more than capable of standing up to manually turn on the TV I would like to know where the remote went. First suspect, the couch.

Remove pancake cushions and find…

35 cents in change

four pens; including one missing for a month

2 tic-tacs, orange and cherry flavor

an allen wrench, no clue why that was here

bits of paper and other debris

searching the hole only resulted in a scratch from a wire and some dust bunnies

So, has anyone seen the TV remote?

Update: remember the sewn in couch cushions and the tears? That is where the remote fell and if not for an overly obsessive nature I would not have thought to look between the cushions and the back of the couch.


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