Gaming Stories 2, Bolian Death Dance

I can be a pain in the ass. I know this. People who know me know this. Me being a pain in the ass is one of the reasons why I run role playing games instead of playing in them. I have yet to find a person who can run a role playing well enough that I am interested and not bored. I have a very low threshold for losing interest…does the adventure have a “follow the bouncing ball” element, bored; are the non-player characters stereotypes and not interesting, bored; does it take too long to get back to the  players i.e. game master monologing, bored. Get the idea. Knowing all of this I warn people who want to run games.

Steve is or maybe now was a Star Trek Fan. He put other Star Trek fans to shame with the length and breath of his knowledge and fandom. Going so far as to offer toasts in Klingon during parties…before he was drunk. My knowledge of Star Trek up to this point limited to the television shows and movies. Everyone else in the group, less than that. Still, Steve was eager.

I warned him. Everyone else warned him not to run a game with me. He said he could handle me. Okay, warning issued. Something else I should mention, the craziness I cause is infectious, I start and others start. We wanted to be like the people we saw on TV, you know the bridge crew of the starship, not the helping hands. Eventually he agreed after telling us how hard it was going to be to be the bridge crew. Whatever, I was the Captain.

The setting, us as bridge crew of some starship with the singular task of meeting the USS Hood at some star base to fight the Dominion. I should mention, that none of us, other than Steve, had watched Deep Space 9 thus had ZERO clue what the Dominion were or why he was trying to convince us that they were SOOOOoooo bad.

On our way, first crisis a murder. Ah ha! I knew how to handle that, since everything was recorded on the starship (saw that on the TV show) I wanted to recreate the murder in the holodeck. Gathered on the holodeck, we discover that it is mysteriously broken. One of the players had a Bolian character, imagine a human half blue-half white with a zipper looking line separating the halves, dancing. Why dancing, because nothing was happening.

Fine, not able to solve the murder and having zero interest in the case due to a complete lack of information from Steve, we moved on…to discover that for whatever reason we were traveling really slow. I mean really slow. So slow that Steve kept mentioning it, but none of us were engineers and the engineer, guess what…had no clue.

Bored, the Bolian player continued to dance everywhere and every chance. I was not the Bolian, I was the Captain and I was getting bored too…then we arrived at the star base…

“You come out of warp to find the hood is missing.”

“Maybe that is why we took so long getting here.”

“Do we have starship sized bungie cords to hold the hood down.”

“Yeah, we don’t want the hood flapping about while we fly around space.”

At this point the Bolian player really began to dance. Steve developed a throbbing anger vein in the center of his forehead. Determined to get control of the game we were attacked by the Dominion, at this point we asked what they looked like. Unfortunately for him, the Bolian was our weapons officer and began his Bolian Death Dance and the best our group could determine was the Dominion were lizards and we needed to shoot bugs at them.

Vein red and throbbing, Dominion defeated, Steve informs us that someone fixed the holodeck. Yes, some enterprising (see what I did there) crew person took the time to fix the space VCR during the fight of our lives. I don’t think we actually won, I think we wore him out with the Bolian Death Dance and constant references to the bungie cords holding our hood down.

And here we are at the end, the entire group of players gathered round the holodeck the whole murder plays out and when we ask who did it, Steve points to the only person who had not joined in on the craziness and shouts, “She is the murderer!”

She, like the rest of us, looked baffled. She, unlike the rest of us, recovered faster and shouted, “If I am the murderer I phaser everyone to death.”

“I do the Bolian Death Dance!”

We never did find out what happened to the hood.




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