Codpiece Revival

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

-Wiseman, Sucker Punch

End the tyranny of length over width, embrace the natural (unnatural?) tendency of the human being to grow wider not taller…hell given that after a certain period of life barring a trip to a clinic where they insert bone from some other person or animal to give you few extra inches of height we, as a species, cease to grow tall and once that happens we only have one way to grow-wide or girthy

Close your eyes. CLOSE THEM DAMNIT! And imagine a world where length is no longer the most important…damnit, open your eyes and start reading after CLOSE THEM DAMNIT! and imagine with me a world, or just this country where girth is the new measurement of importance.

Who cares how tall you are, how wide are you? Height is a limitation of genetics, but girth that is an indication of a whole bunch of important things, such as potential wealth, potential time on your hands, potential sexual prowess, potential for early death…oops, there are some things that need to be worked out, but you get the idea.

Embrace your girth.

Love your girth.

The Girther Movement needs sponsors of course and starting with the obvious, collectible T-Shirts from your favorite fast food places and the first one to embrace the movement and the best way they can do that is take that skinny ass clown who does not look like anyone who eats there in anyway and girth that clown up. The King is already looking plump, he embraces girth. That fucking clown needs to start eating the shit he is shoveling and while he is at it get rid of the makeup, I want shirts to sell and that clown scares the shit out everyone.

Obviously Hollywood is next…well actually porn leads the way like they do in all things, don’t believe me do some research and you will see that other than warfare, porn is a leader in innovation and they can finally take those long cocked freaks, the ones who you see and immediately think, “Where is that going and how does it not burst out of her stomach like the alien in…well, Alien,” and replace them with normal 5 to 6 inch cocks that (is this a time for whom?) are grithy. Sure that will lead to a whole new set of insecurities for the supposedly “average” male, “is my dick grithy enough?”


But you can, at just about any clinic, get your dick inflated in the same way as women can get their tits pumped up. Imagine that! Dick inflation surgery. Hand in hand (HA) with tit inflation a whole nation of balloon people. Oh my…I think I am onto something here…

Soon enough instead of trying to get snaps of celebrities looking all fit, tit and beef curtain slips, paparazzi who should already be a legally hunted sub-class of humanity in the vein of the Running Man, can spend their time snapping pics of celebrities eating healthy and not focusing on embracing grithyness.

Once Hollywood embraces girth all bets are off other than how much longer until the North American continent sinks under the enviable grith of the people. I’m getting light headed thinking about all of the potential of a girthy movement. Sure a lot of things will have to get bigger such as the crotch region of anything men wear because if you don’t think every man will rush out to have his junk pumped full of whatever to get bigger like his best bud then you don’t men, cocks, and the American consumer mindset and I guess upon reflection that is okay…still the mental image of an entire nation of men embracing oversized, over decorated, and “fashionable” codpieces is fucking funny…by the way, cod pieces were a thing once before and if bellbottoms and other hippie crap can make a come back then codpieces surely can…

go girth or go home

“Sexually progressive cultures gave us literature, philosophy, civilization and the rest, while sexually restrictive cultures gave us the Dark Ages and the Holocaust.”

-Alan Moore, 25,000 Years of Erotic Freedom


One thought on “Codpiece Revival

  1. Pingback: Definition of Me by the Shirts I Wear – Scrawlings of a Mad Man

Take Part in the Conversation

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s