Rounding Up Can Kiss My Ass

“At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.”

-George Orwell

Scrunching her face up, her deep thinking pose, our girl says the following while pointing at me across the table, “You said he is older than you.”

“Yep,” Barb says and then leans in and whispers something into our girl’s ear.

“So fifties,” she says with a smile.

I’m laughing.

“If you round up like my teacher says to then you are in your fifties.”

Screw you math!

Maybe you can tell or maybe you cannot because I really haven’t said much about the subject like I normally do, but based on our daughter’s rounding math my birthday is somewhere in the near future. No, I am not fishing for any happy birthdays. Although if you want to send some along I am not saying no.

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.”

-Andy Rooney

What I am saying apparently is that my birthday is around the corner and due to a rounding lesson I have jumped from spry 40ish to spry 50ish. I refuse to say older or old because as my doctor recently put it…

“You are,” making the hand gestures for smaller than larger, “…smaller. I don’t need to see you for 6 months, keep up the exercise.”

Suck it exercise bike my ass is on you for LIFE! Life I say. I will become an indoor biker wearing really tight bicycling shorts peddling to nowhere while watching WhatCulture (What Culture is fucking hilarious…to me) on YouTube until the fat falls off and the muscles split my overly tight pants…until I look like a Greek God…probably Pan, but you get the idea, ripped and hairy…no flute playing…or is there? 🙂

Normally or typically around the start of the month of my birth I get all melancholy (personally I like meloncowly; think water melon and cow or insert your favorite melon and bovine…now that is a mental image) and waxing nostalgic. Not this year. No clue why other than waxing hurts and life has done a lot of changing over the past year and I am still attempting to come to grips with the changes. No nothing is wrong, just we went from college destitute to post college life and despite having had a pre-college destitute life this new phase is a hell of a lot more fun.

Without meloncowly and nostalgia to drive me for a month what is there? Well a shit ton of painting, terrain building, writing, house cleaning, dishes, dinners, schedules, and taking care of all of the bullshit that makes up a day in the life of ME, which does not sound better in Klingon although if I had to guess my life would only marginally be more interesting if I was a Klingon…actually probably a lot worse…speaking of which, watch Orville if you can. I don’t care if you don’t like Seth McFarlane this show has all of the feel good vibes of Star Trek with a better sense of how things should be in that the characters act as people. Trust me.

And that is why rounding up can kiss my ass!

“And here…we…go!”



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