The longer you search for a good quote to start a post the longer you find yourself reading other people’s words to sum up your own feelings, much like cat memes never say what you would have said, just what someone else said put to a picture of a cat. I like my own words better.
These ear buds won’t fit right, now my ears feel funny. Ugh! I tell you the technical issues I have to overcome each time I sit down to craft a post is…fuck that, my ears are weird.
Now what was I talking about?
I really need to up my game. Hey I used really in…one, two, now three sentences yes really? is a sentence that makes four uses, I wonder how many more I can fit in? Definitely better than a swear o meter which would be six inches long (I unlike many people am realistic and happy with the length of my swearing) and girthy. Don’t let anyone tell you different, girth is where swearing is at. Much like opinions and most people are assholes anyone can swear for six inches, it’s the girth or breath of their swearing where its at.
Don’t believe me, trying fitting a swear word in every sentence for a day. If you find yourself repeating yourself over and over again, such as “fuck this or fuck that” then you only have six very skinny inches of swearing. However, if you can only repeat a few times, even better not at all (repeat that is, swear away), find creative and inventive-yet correct (can’t have you making up new swear moves, there are rules and if your friends can’t dance…well you know the saying, how you dance is how you fuck and if your friends can’t dance they probably shouldn’t fuck or is it fuck you…regardless, I will not put the other parenthesis in place and carry on, if you can do that then you have girth and maybe dance skills, which ties into how well you engage in intercourse.
Now that I think about it swearing, dancing, writing food reviews, writing erotica, and fucking are all similar skills in that you need to be able to do something repetitive in such a way that people mistake your actions for genius and not having a seizure. And yes, the seizure thing happens in writing. They are also similar in that if you can do them reasonably well people think better of you for a lot of things, because if you can Dance with a capital D you surely can Fuck with a capital F and you sure as hell really know how to Swear with a capital S…writing food reviews and erotica are suspect, because how often have you broken out writing of any kind while Dancing, Fucking, or Swearing.
And how did that go over?
Messy. Makes sense. I once had a short story crumpled and stickified doing that. She was very apologetic too, spilling her drink on my short story while dancing. Why I was attempting to show her my writing while dancing I will never know I should have waited until coitus where I would have had her attention because she would have been reading, duh.
Oh well, so where was I and I tell you the truth this is not where I thought I would end up, not that if you are paying attention I can remember where I am…fuck all this suddenly got really confusing, for me.
Girthy is where its at. Yes, that is what this was about or was it?
“Because of social strictures against even the mildest swearing, America developed a particularly rich crop of euphemistic expletives – darn, durn, goldurn, goshdad, goshdang, goshawful, blast, consarn, confound, by Jove, by jingo, great guns, by the great horn spoon (a nonce term first cited in the Biglow Papers), jo-fired, jumping Jehoshaphat, and others almost without number – but even this cautious epithets could land people in trouble as late as the 1940s.”
Did you really think I would use really over and over again? Did you really keep count? Were you really waiting for more orange reallys? Right now you are trying out being girthy, aren’t you? And therein lay the lesson. When you figure out what the lesson was tell me, please.
Really count: 11…maybe